[Peek] Necronosis

Evilmidget wrote:This won't be out for a long while, but for the pure satisfaction of making sure of a good story and well done writing, I'll give a section of Chapter One for y'all to read. Give feedback, and if it's bad, I'll quickly revise the Chapter.

Here's the section about a scientist called Thomas. His last name shouldn't be known until a while out in the book:

-------------------------------------------
A man with dark grey glasses and short, white hair walked on the crumbling pavement of New York City. His black tuxedo was shining in the moonlight. The average scientist.
He carried a nine-millimeter handgun in the pockets of his black pants, a very small caliber. He was thinking to himself; pondering over a very peculiar subject: the clouds. I have never seen that shape before…that hue. Pure black…I just cannot understand. What on Earth is this about?
He rubbed his chin with the old and crusty hands of his. This subject, clearly, was not one that he could comprehend. Perhaps this is simply a large climate change in the upper atmosphere.
Just then, a shadow poured its mass over the cement before him. The shadow quickly dissipated. Apparently not.
He wandered towards a small pawn shop. Blood was everywhere along the cracked walls, and the dust settling from recent movement. “A raid…?” He moved forward.
No. It’s too dangerous in these times. He backed away, and turned to the other direction.
A ring-tone echoed in the darkness of New York. “My phone!” He reached down to his pockets and snatched out a small object about four inches long, and flipped it open to a screen with a mail icon on it. He pressed a green button on the small DVORAK keyboard on his cell phone. The phone was lifted to his left ear with his trembling hand. “Hello?”
“Tom, we need you at the scientific facility,” a muffled voice responded.
“Fredrick! Thank God! I thought I was the only living soul out here.”
“That is apparently not fact. We—”
“We? There are more of you there?”
“Yes, Darius and Margaret are still alive.”
“Great to hear.”
“Anyways,” he continued, “we need you to analyze a material we’ve recovered from outside the facility. It seems to be an unknown sample of skin.”
“I’ll be over there ASAP, Fred.”
“Be sure of it.” With that statement, the voice disappeared.

Thomas looked upon the large stalking form of the scientific facility. It was almost new; the walls lay unscratched and the opening banners still flew high overhead. “I wonder what he has in store for me. He doesn’t call often…” Thomas advanced towards the black, brick building.
The door creaked open. Tom looked into the darkness inside. Is anyone even here? He stepped forward. The sound of his foot echoed throughout the blackness. It almost resembled the rest of the city. “Hello? Fredrick?”
No answer.
He stepped further into the abyss of blackness. “Fredrick, Darius, Margaret? Are you all there?”
The night remained still and silent.
He stepped far into the building; he could not see anymore. He began to feel his way around the area. He felt a small machine, and when he looked over to it, a red laser was exiting through the left side of the exterior. “What is this…?” He put both hands on its smooth surface and silently lifted it upwards. The beam now began to erect northward. Why is it moving? He followed the path of the beam with his fingers and quickly found an opening. He pressed his finger into it about an inch, and felt multiple complex mechanics on the inside. He felt around until he found—
“Tom?” The voice was from a man, deep and old. Metallic footsteps echoed eerily.
“Is that you, Fredrick? Darius?”
“No, Tom. Fred and Darius are gone for now. They are…not here.”
“Then…then, who are you?”
“See for yourself.”
The lights came on in a haze of brightness. Thomas’s eyes were not adjusted; he quickly barricaded his eyesight with his arms and closed his eyelids.
“Open your eyes, Thomas.”
He did so.
The room was magnificent; as the lights poured into the room, multiple ingenious machines showed into visibility and the scientific achievements of America came into view on the wall, most of which were replicas.
There was a man standing there, tall and broad. His face was not visible; it was covered by a black gas mask, blowing out fumes through the enormous breathing tube on the right. The man’s black hair was penetrating out the uncovered top of his head, where the mask’s straps lay tied over his cranium. He was Caucasian (mark off Darius, then).
“I cannot see your face. May you remove that gas mask?”
The man, annoyed by the request, obeyed.
“I thought…I thought you died!”
-------------------------------------------

How is it?